Really funny short jokes englishJobb

...it is assumed that the vehicle drives in the middle of the bridge, distributing the load equally between the main beams. This means that it is sufficient to analyze one of the main beams. Furthermore, the loads from the vehicle's four wheels are simplified as a single point load, which has a magnitude of 60 kN. This point load is assumed to be able to act anywhere along the bridge, except for a short distance of 1.0 m closest to the supports. This is justified by one wheel axle leaving the bridge, resulting in a reduced load. A calculation model and cross-sectional dimensions for a main beam are shown in Figure 2. The beam is assumed to be simply supported with a span of 12 m. The analysis does not take into account dynamic effects, instability, and local stress concentratio...

Hej! Jag letar efter en frilansare som långsiktigt kan hjälpa mig att redigera videor en gång till flera gånger per vecka, till mina TikTok- och YouTube-kanaler. Mina videor tillhör underhållningskategorin och är vanligtvis mellan 1-3 minuter långa. Jag har en grov idé om vilken tema eller stil jag söker för redigeringen, men jag är öppen för förslag. Frilansaren bör ha erfarenhet av videoredigering och vara tillgänglig för att snabbt leverera det färdiga resultatet. Om du är redo för utmaningen, vänligen lämna ett erbjudande. Jag ser fram emot att höra från dig!

Hej Cecilia! Jag har ett recommendationsbrev som ska översättas från svenska till engelska. Det är en sida och ganska enkelt. Undrar om du kan hjälpa mig med det och i såfall hur mycket vill du ha? Tack för snabbt återkoppling! Mvh Ella

Since you require to understand Swedish to be hired for this task the rest of this description will be in Swedish. If you don't understand the following text or have to translate it, please skip applying for this job. SÖKES: Svensk- & engelsktalande VA inom Wordpress, SEO & design Hej! Jag är på jakt efter en svensk- & engelsktalande VA som kan hjälpa oss med en rad olika uppgifter under ett långsiktigt samarbete. Uppgifterna kan komma att anpassas efter din erfarenhet och är du den person vi söker ämnar vi även att erbjuda intern utbildning så att du når maximal framgång med dina uppgifter. Du kommer att jobba med lite olika projekt. Jag kommer berätta mer vid en eventuell intervju, men det som f&o...

A funny skit

Svensk text från hemsida till Engelska

Behöver översätta ett exceldokument till svenska. Bra svenska, absolut inte något översättningsverktyg typ google translate.

Jag har pågående arbete gällande vårt tidigare projektTranslate from English to Polish '

Hello, I need someone to translate an "instruktionsmanual" for a beauty device Estimated 1000 words. Projektet innebär följande: Korrekturläsa och förbättra den nuvarande svenska texten (den är OK, men kan förbättras). Detta tar möjligen 1 timme. - När denna är godkänd så ska den översättas till engelska. Laddar upp filen så får ni ett hum också. Inga överdrivna bud. Mvh

Applicant MUST live in Sweden. If possible, please provided a local (utility, mobile or cable bill) and ID for verification. Those applicants will receive top consideration. Need an English Speaking Assistant Based In Sweden. Answering phone calls and data entry. Very simple but can get tedious at times because of call volume. Sökande måste leva i Sverige . Om möjligt , vänligen gav en lokal ( verktyg , mobil eller kabel räkningen ) och ID för verifiering . De sökande kommer att få topp övervägande . Behöver du en engelsktalande assistent i Sverige . Besvara telefonsamtal och datainmatning . Mycket enkel men kan få tråkiga ibland på grund av samtalsvolymen .

Jag har pågående arbete gällande vårt tidigare projektWebsite translation - English to Turkish'

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<--- C.l.o.n.e site Update my existing site to features - MUST BE TOTALLY THE SAME. Webcam features must work - do not BID without READING Bid must include creation of webcam feature Would like for maids ony to be able to upload short 10 sec. videos. Must have community / member profiles/ member sign up Admin panel for me to review content. Also display space for banners of affiliates. This will be USA based company. Servicing major cities. Must be able to" Build online store Convert copy site Banner Design

Mitt projeckt går ut på kunder ska kunna boka bord på resturanger via appen som använder detta system, , även boka och betala middag innan kunderna landar i de land de ska till Till hotellet, Room serive via appen, Taxi bolag skall kunna anlitas, via appen så som uber exempel., Appens disegnLogg in, with name or ID 1, Room Service- inne i rooom service skall de vara listade hotell flik bolag en lista de ska kunnas läggas in i 3, Betalning tjänst beroende på vilken tjänst kunden väljer. betalnings metoder, Creditkort. de ska skall helt enkelt kunna läggas in den tjänsten i app kan bli en stor grej vi kommer tjäna mycket..jag har gott om goda kontakter i hotell värden och detta är möjligt för ...

Payment till April 14th.

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Jag har pågående arbete relaterat till vårat tidigare projektTranslation from English to Spanish'

Översättning av en manual på 2400 ord.

I am looking for a Cantonese-Spanish translator to accompany me on a daytime business trip to Guangzhou in June (06/28, 07/1-2-3). The trip will last less than a week and involves business negotiations. Ideal candidates should be: - Speaks Cantonese and Spanish fluently. - Strong in industry-specific terminology, particularly in business. - If possible, have some experience in exports. Your main responsibility will be to help me with translations during the different business meetings that are scheduled. Their role is crucial to ensure fluid communication. Your support will be greatly appreciated.

I need to have a girl removed from a short, high-definition video of myself and my sister. The video is less than a minute long. The girl to be cropped out is positioned in the middle of the video and I want the edited outcome to feature just my sister and I. Key tasks include: - Identify and crop out the girl from the video - Ensure smooth transition and maintain overall video quality - Final video should be in high-definition Skills and experience necessary: - Proficiency in video editing software (Adobe Premiere Pro, Final Cut Pro...) - Ability to crop out individuals effectively and smoothly - Experience with transitional effects may be necessary - Attention to detail and creativity.

I am looking to fill a longterm editor position for multiple projects for my agency. I run a short-format content agency that edits videos for various coaches, businesses and podcasts. The videos are up-to 60 seconds long and I expect you to edit subtitles, b-roll, stock footage, dynamic motion/graphics and make the video in general: entertaining and highly engaging. I am looking for a person that can be my full time editor for the next 6-12 months with the possibility of consistent pay-raises when the agency experiences growth. You will be paid 7usd for every video-edit. The process is super streamlined. All videos are tailored by me -> you get the raw footage, edit it and upload the edited videos in a separate folder. I expect a simple thumbnail that fits the ratio 1:1 on...

I need to have the design of a face mask made. It will cover the whole face (refer full face ). The design should look like a funny, cartoonish, smiling red colored car. It should have at least eyes and smile. If I print it and put it on my face, the eyes should be in place of real eyes, the smile should be in place of real smile i.e. the proportions of the final image should match accordingly. The resolution should be at least 2160x3840. Also check other reference images. The mask should be a standard size that fits most people comfortably. Don't give me a random quote, give me a real quote.

I'm seeking a skilled video editor for color grading and correction for less than an hour of drone footage. The goal is to really bring out the realistic natural colors in the footage. An ability to correct lighting and achieve a refined, clean color grade is crucial for this task. Freelancer with experience in drone footage color correction will be prioritized. Passion for achieving natural-looking colors and meticulous attention to detail will be important for the success of this project.

I have a one-page press release written in English that need to be accurately translated to German. The goal is to have them localized for a German-speaking audience without losing the professional and formal tone of the source material. BUT I need it done this morning! Key Points: - The project involves translating marketing materials, so experience in this specific type of translation is preferred. - The tone of the documents is formal and professional and must be maintained throughout the translation. - The ideal candidate would have a strong command of both English and German, with a proven track record of delivering high-quality translations for business purposes.

My objective is to create short duration (5-10 minutes) documentary-style videos showcasing interesting video footage of your local models for our platform. We are hiring freelance video photographers like you, to shoot easy fashion style video shows with local female models you recruit for each project. You will be shooting projects where you are now located, with local women you invite to model for you, and we pay you from US$500 per shoot project, more once you become familiar with shooting for us. ModelsUpClose are video entertainment producers,  hiring video photographers from across the world in fashion style General Exhibition video shows since 1997.   It is essential we agree on your proposed model before starting a project. We have a Job Specification ...

We are an online english school looking for Native english teachers for individual courses. The courses will be starting immediately. Online individual conversation lessons. Each course will last 15 hours, 1 hour per week per student. Please get back to me for more information. thank you

I need someone that is really good at finding market data & analyzing it. I am having an event and we are trying to get paid sponsorship.
 Currently we are working on the pitch decks to send to companies requesting sponsorships.

 I need to find some market data to include within the pitch deck to convince sponsors that my demographic is important & using us will help their business.



 1st Task - Find market data
 2nd Task - From the data, think of an argument or convincing reasons for the sponsor to fulfill our requests. How will it be beneficial to them? The event is for United States black professionals in the entertainment industry. 
 Your job is to find some market data for:
 Black Professionals Black Entertainment Professionals Socialites (people that go out a lo...

Re-Design and Add to our Product Labels (See Attached Examples). Use Different Golf Cart Pictures And/Or Colors To Differentiate Between The Different Models. Each Label Will measure 5 In...- 30 Kilometer Range 48 Volt 56 Amp Hour (2.90 Kilowatt) Capacity 45 - 50 Kilometer Range 48 Volt 112 Amp Hour (5.8 Kilowatt) Capacity 95-100 Kilometer Range 48 Volt 150 Amp Hour (7.77 Kilowatt) Capacity 130 + Kilometer Range 72 Volt 56 Amp Hour (4.14 Kilowatt) Capacity 35-40 Kilometer Range Plus A Matching Top Label For Each: Each With Model & Capacity Plus The Safety Warnings: DO Not: Short Circuit Crush Disassemble Incinerate Heat Above 60 Celsius Submerge In Water Warning: Risk Of Fire Or Explosion - Avoid Mechanical Shock Winter Storage: Charge To 80%, Bring Inside, Store Abo...

I am looking for the best movie/ Tv show editor, I need someone that knows about movies, especially old classics like MacGyver, cheers, The A-team, and police academy. You MUST KNOW KNOW ABOUT MOVIES AND TV SHOWS AND MUST BE ABLE TO choose VERY ENGAGING AND FUNNY MOVIE CLIPS. Only Apply if you can make videos like this, ) You will also be asked to provide 2 min sample of a given topic to make sure we are hiring the right person.

...DO NOT BID WITHOUT SEEING THE ATTACHMENTS SEND YOUR SAMPLE VIDEO FIRST TO BE SELECTED I need someone to create videos on English Grammar on the topics given here in the attachment. It can be discussed in Chat. You should have a good, professional grade Mic. An electronic Pen is desirable. Topics for which you need to create the videos are Narration , voice change, parts of speech, sequence of tense, gerund, creating wh questions etc. Each topic should be minimum of 60 minutes length. You first need to explain the main concept, use examples and use some questions and then its answers with explanation.. also create 10 MCQ questions on each topic. Instructions to be in ENGLISH only. Use Screen recording Software and/or Whiteboard. VOICE MUST BE LOUD & CLEAR. NO BACKGROUND...

I'm in need of an experienced translator who can convert a personal document written in Kurdish into English. The document is less than 5 pages long. Key Requirements: - Proficiency in both Kurdish and English - Experience with translating personal documents - Attention to detail Your translation must be accurate, preserving the original meaning and tone of the document. A background in a related field, such as legal or personal documents, would be a plus. Please provide samples of your previous Kurdish to English translation work.

Link to my youtube channel: I need someone to help me with making engaging shorts from my old videos plus my new videos. If I like you...com/channel/UCq0aDvwcc0ifdyGl2h2UCIw I need someone to help me with making engaging shorts from my old videos plus my new videos. If I like your work, I will hire you on a weekly basis, so that I can post at least one short video every week. The ideal candidate will: 1) Excellent editing skills to create engaging short content. 2) Provide me with new ideas on short content and help me grow my channel. 3) Commit to deliver everything on time. 4) Use my old videos to make shorts. 5) Use copyright free, royalty free trendy music for my shorts. Since this is a trial I am offering AU$50 for 3 short videos.

I have a simple stick man design and I'm looking for an artist to create three different versions of the same character with varying outfits. - The first character should be styled as a cowboy. - The second character should be designed as a safety person with a hard hat and a reflective vest. - The third character should be wearing a tie. The clothing design for each character sh...decisions with the rest. There is no need for any background elements, just a focus on the character design. Ideal candidates for this project should: - Be skilled in character design, with experience in creating simple and minimalistic designs. - Have a portfolio that demonstrates the ability to create varied character designs. - Be able to work efficiently and deliver high-quality results on a shor...

...information about the various dance classes we offer, the levels, timings, and any fees associated. - Events: A dedicated space to list upcoming events, workshops, and performances. - Gallery: A visual showcase of our past performances, student achievements, and the environment within the academy. - Faculty: A detailed section on the instructors at our academy, their qualifications, and perhaps a short bio. - Contact: The 'Contact' page will include our phone number, email address, and potentially a contact form for those interested in enrolling or learning more. Colour Scheme: - The preferred colour scheme for this website should be 'subtle and elegant'. This will help represent the history and tradition of Punjabi dance, while also making the website visual...

We're looking for a talented social media manager who can help us expand our online presence and engage with our audience more effectively. The selected freelancer will be responsible for: - Developing a comprehensive social media strategy across platforms such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn. - Creating engaging and original content, including posts, graphics, and short videos. - Scheduling content to ensure consistent online presence. - Monitoring social media metrics to track engagement and adjust strategies as needed. - Engaging with followers and responding to comments and messages promptly. **Skills Required:** - Strong experience in social media management and strategy development. - Excellent content creation skills, with a keen eye for design. - Abi...

I'm seeking a social media expert to craft and post engaging Instagram/TikTok ads targetin...craft and post engaging Instagram/TikTok ads targeting adults interested in home improvement, on a weekly basis. The ideal freelancer should have: - Extensive experience in Instagram ad creation and scheduling. - An understanding of targeting and reaching an adult audience. - Knowledge of home improvement products and services. - Excellent communication and time management skills. We need short videos of company work, maybe with the name and phone number on it. We have existing photos and videos. The aim is to amplify our visibility, generate inquiries, and increase sales. A keen eye for detail and creative ad design will be advantageous. I look forward to a successful...

We are looking for someone long-term who can do cartoon animation with experience in video editing. It will be around 1-2 minute per video. These will be for youtube. We are looking for someone good in communication, can do it on a good price, and delivery time. More details will be provided upon interview.

I have 20 pages that need some content generated from ChatGPT and entering on to the page. This includes a short bit of text (150 words) for the main content and YOAST meta descriptions. I'll provide full instructions and the correct prompts to use with ChatGPT. This is a super simple copy and paste job and should only take a couple minutes per page. Please be familiar with WordPress and ChatGPT so you can get this done quickly. Also you will need to update the DNS in your local hosts file to be able to access the site (I can show how) This is 1hrs work at most so please bid accordingly.

I need woman models that are willing to cut their hair really short. I am going pro and I need different short haircuts for my portfolio. The initial payout is $300, and I am willing to increase the price the shorter you let me cut it. Serious inquiries only. Skills and Experience: - Willingness to get a pixie cut

...a raw footage of about 30 minutes to 2 hours. The final edited video should ideally be within 10 to 30-minute duration. • Skills And Experience: - Solid experience with digital technology and video editing software packages (e.g. Adobe Premiere, After Effects and Final Cut) - Demonstrable video editing ability with a keen eye for detail This is your chance to bring raw footage to life in a short video that speaks volumes. Unfortunately I don't need any advanced editing like color correction or effects, or any motion graphics or green screen work, just a simple, clean cut. I am simply looking for a video editor who can consolidate earnest storytelling with technical skill....

Seeking expert social media managers well-versed in creating engaging ree...for Instagram and TikTok. The primary goal is to ramp up my followers and engagement levels. Your task involves: - Creating appealing reels from my existing stash of photos and videos. - Focusing on themes surrounding lifestyle and personal interests. - Editing videos to be cinematic and high-quality. To achieve my objectives, you should be someone who: - Has a knack for storytelling through short-form videos. - Demonstrates a deep understanding of Instagram and TikTok algorithms. - Possesses a crafty ability to produce cinematic-quality reels. - Is capable of emitting a personal and relatable vibe through visual content. Bids from freelancers with proven success in similar past projects will be highly...

As we discussed, a 3 min. video, a short, and a thumbnail. This will be for YouTube channel, which is in the sports genre. Player plays as well as the narration should be throughout the video. The subscribed button and my logo should also be added. narrative and logo. will be provided

We are looking to hire a native British video creator to create a few short (10-12 seconds) TikTok videos for us. Good candidate will be re-hired for multiple video clip projects. Note: We are looking to make human based videos, like someone talking about loans or our company. Example:

I'm in need of a creative writer to come up with "Would You Rather" jokes for a middle school audience. The jokes should: - Be suitable for middle school students. - Be delivered in written form, without the need for illustrations or audio. - not IA generated - not from internet or from existing books (sorry, we already have them all) Ideal candidates for this project are: - Experienced writers or joke creators who understand the unique sense of humor of middle schoolers. - Able to produce engaging and fun content that is suitable for kids/family party. - Creative and able to come up with a wide range of jokes on different everyday topics. Your work will help entertain and engage our young listeners and must respect the target audience's age an...

I'm looking for a professional to create a short-form video advertisement for a product. - The video should be engaging and creative, with a focus on promoting the product. - While the target audience isn't specified, the video should be designed to appeal to a broad demographic. I'm looking for someone with experience in creating successful, high-quality video ads to maximize the ad's effectiveness. It's important to be able to capture the essence of the product in a short time frame, and create a visually appealing and engaging video.

I'm looking for a skilled Photoshop expert who has a knack for creating hilarious and eye-catching face swaps. This project aims to craft laughs and shared amusement, so consider this when swapping the faces on the provided image. Requirements: - Replace the faces on the supplied photo with the specific ones I've chosen for a funny effect. Delicate discretion is required to ensure the overall balance of the image isn't disrupted. - Maintain the background scenery, body positions, color, and lighting effects of the original image. - Adjust as necessary for naturalistic integration of the new faces without compromising the original photo's features. Ideal Skills & Experience: - Advanced Photoshop skills - Understanding of lighting and angles for believable i...

Russian Recording Project Note : We need Native Russian speakers for long term project. We have a project, that needs Native Russian speakers, we will give you the text, and you need to record 626 Short sentences. you just need to download our software, to read our text and record it, it's a very easy job. 1. You will need to record in a quiet place without loud background noise. and without echo. 2. Each person is $14 dollar for 626 sentences record. If you are interested please let me know sure.I will contact u. A Good Opportunity For New Freelancers For taking 5 Star Review after their completion of the project. Thanks :

I'm looking for a talented 2D animator who can bring to life a series of around 197 short videos. These animations will be in a cartoon style, aimed at a teenage audience. Key Requirements: - The animations need to be engaging and easily digestible, as each video should be less than 1 minute in duration. - This job involves creating multiple videos, so efficiency and consistency in your animation style is crucial. - The ideal candidate will have experience in creating animations specifically for teenagers, ensuring the content is relatable and appealing to this demographic. Skills and Experience: - Proven ability to create high-quality 2D animations, ideally in a cartoon style. - Previous experience in creating animations aimed at teenagers is highly preferred. - Strong ...

I require a professional translator who can translate the following from English to Arabic, Turkish, French, German, and Malay: النسوية: نشأة تدهور الأسرة Féminisme : la genèse de la dégradation de la famille Feminizm: Ailenin Bozulmasının Doğuşu Feminismus: Die Entstehung der Degradierung der Familie Feminisme: Kejadian Kemerosotan Keluarga