Editing something

Hello, We need a native English speaker. We would like to edit my game texts and dialogues. Also, if you can write better expressions than mine, that's really good. OK, We recorded a video (around 17 minutes) which shows all the writings in the game, so you can read the text and understand the story. The video represents a walk through of the game, so some of it is game play only. For editing, please, capture a photo of the scene and write the correction in the scene's picture itself. Please, see the attachment photos. Actually, I'm not a bad English speaker. You'll find few grammar and spelling mistakes only. I hope this is clear to you :) Thanks a lot...